Sledging

The Ashes are almost upon us: the wallchart is on the wall, and from Thursday I'll be desperately trying to stay awake throughout the night, glued not to an essay or book, but to the cricket coverage.

And so, as a warm-up, some classic examples of sledging...

Glenn McGrath: "Why are you so fat?"
Eddo Brandes: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit."

Merv Hughes: "You can't f***ing bat, mate"
Robin Smith then smashes the ball to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair: I can't f***ing bat, and you can't f***ing bowl."

Aussie fan: "Lend me your brain, Tuffers, I'm building an idiot"

Matthew Hayden to Rob Key: "What are you doing out here?"

...and some random insults:

WG Grace

Harold Larwood: "A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in one's life, if one was deaf."

Douglas Jardine: "All Australians are an uneducated and unruly mob."

Ian Healey: "Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand"

Simon Barnes: "The traditional dress of the Australian cricketer is the green cap on the head and the chip on the shoulder"


The first test gets under way at midnight GMT on Wednesday night/Thursday morning