"I'm afraid I can't let you do that"

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This afternoon saw the first game in the inaugural Indian Premier League (IPL) season. Based on the English Premier League, the new Twenty20 cricket championship is all about making money. Big corporate sponsors, wealthy businessmen backers, and lucrative television rights have combined to bring the wages of the best cricket players in the world into line with the top men in other sports.

I've never watched a Twenty20 game before, and because Sky have snapped up all the test series, I haven't been able to watch any cricket on TV for quite a while. The game today, between Kolkata Knight Riders and Royal Challengers Bangalore (names which make the Gloucestershire Gladiators and Derbyshire Phantoms sound normal) was a cracker, albeit a little bit of an anti-climax. Unfortunately, because the league is so keen to protect it's financial backers, I can't show you any pictures, because they've banned large swathes of the media – especially those who publish online – from covering the event.

● For all the excitement of the IPL, there's still the matter of deciding who will come out as champions of Ryman League Division One North. Second-place AFC Sudbury lost again this week, which puts them 6 points behind the mighty Dartford. With only two games to go, this means that the Darts only need one point to win the league (and, more importantly, automatic promotion). We play Edgware away tomorrow.

● The following dialogue is from the BBC Three series, Pulling. It literally had me crying with laughter:

- It was a crime. I mean, what's the difference between that and stealing an old lady's purse?
- Well, it is a bit different...
- Well yeah, it's different, of course it different – but is it really different?
- Well that's what I said.
- And what did the police say?
- He laughed at me.
- He what?! Jesus! Was it a large kebab?
- Yes, it was. I mean I wasn't going to eat it all but...
- That is dispic- I mean, you're a woman, on your own, and this-- 'man', steals something from you. Alright, it was a kebab, but what's it have to be, a gold kebab before it's a crime?

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