Why I didn't watch the Olympics

By -

I have a confession to make. I don't give a monkey's about the Olympic games.

To be honest, I find it incredibly boring. Despite having half-a-dozen events to watch at any time of the day, none of them caught my attention. With only a couple of exceptions, namely the sprinting finals and the swimming (ie: proper races), somehow the Olympics made even exciting-sounding sports pretty turgid.

Take shooting for example. now you might think that shooting would have an element of excitement to it. Top athletes, armed with guns... the mix of sporting excellence and danger must be a winning combination, right? Wrong. It's one of the dullest things I've ever seen. Six men, politely taking it in turns to fire a single pellet at a static target. Y-a-w-n.

Which is why I'm proposing a few new events. These probably won't make it in time for London 2012. Or probably ever.

Olympic Shooting... Extreme!
This essentially replaces the rather placid shooting range with a more exciting challenge. Just like in the police films, competitors will be expected to shoot at a number of moving targets. Points will be lost for any shots fired at the pictures of old ladies or mums-with-pushchairs. Dramatic gun-totting forward rolls optional, but score highly. Three medal categories: handgun, double-barrelled shotgun and uzi class.

Olympic Dressage... Extreme!
Three of the athletes banned for doping offences from this year's games were horses. It comes to something when even the gee-gees start scoring drugs because their events are so dreary. So, to liven things up, why not make a few changes. Replace the show ground with a shallow pool full of custard and you've got Dressage meets Speed. Better quicken up that canter, Champion...

Olympic Whac-A-Mole
What more needs to be said?

Popular posts from this blog

Montreal ePrix 1 qualifying report

By -
A spectacular crash from Sébastien Buemi in the second Free Practice session of the afternoon was the talk of the Montreal pitlane before qualifying began. He clipped the wall on the first part of the high-speed chicane, which sent him careering into the barriers on the exit. A damaged monocoque gave his Renualt team plenty of work to do to repair the car in time for the race, and replacing damaged components would result in a ten-place grid penalty. The incident meant that the next time Buemi would face the chicane again would be in his qualifying group -- when he will be sharing the track with championship rival Lucas di Grassi. But before that, both Faraday Future cars had been drawn in the first qualifying group. They, like all the drivers in group one, left it late to leave the pit lane. Unfortunately for Jerome D'Ambrosio, he left it too late, and failed to cross the start/finish line before the chequered flag signalled an end to the session. Consequently, he can only take...
Read more

Paris ePrix race report

By -
Sébastien Buemi extended his championship lead and gave Renault a home victory in a Paris ePrix that saw several stints under yellow flags and ended in unusual circumstances. Buemi had a good start off the line, although came under early pressure when Vergne tried first the inside, then the outside line to try and make an early pass. But once the initial threat was over, Vergne had little extra to challenge with. Buemi was able to start moving away quickly, opening up a 2-second gap within the opening few laps. Vergne's Techeetah is undeniably a fast car -- it's powered by Renault, after all -- so although it initially appeared he was holding up the rest of the field, he kept the gap to Buemi down by setting a number of consecutive fastest laps. Behind the leaders, Jose Maria Lopez was able to keep pace and held on to third. Esteban Gutierrez was holding up the field, with a gap of 4.6 seconds behind the Mahindra 4-5 of Heidfeld and Roseqvist. Daniel Abt picked up four plac...
Read more

The Italian Job

By -
Image
I've seen it once at the cinema, but I couldn't resist watching "The Italian Job" (2003, USA) one more time, if only to compare it with the original I have on DVD. How they can claim that this film is a "re-make" of the original, I'm not really sure. Yes, there's Mini Coopers and a plot based around messing up the traffic systems, but the 1969 version was never about stealing the gold. It was about Charlie: about his own cunning, wit and charm. Croker's character provided everything, from the memorable one-liners to the tragic fall . OK, perhaps the new version brings the action kicking and screaming up-to-date: but where's the charm? "Remember - in this country, they drive on the wrong side of the road" - Charlie Croker (1969) "You should never mess with Mother Nature, mothers-in-law, and mother-freaking Ukrainians" - Skinny Pete (2003)
Read more