The Apprentice: In several easy steps
How to make an episode of The Apprentice:
You will need the following:
MusicThe soundtrack to the entire series comprises just three pieces of music. These are: the overly-dramatic theme tune (derr, derrn, derr, derrn...); the fast-paced tune, used over shots of the candidates rushing around or desperately trying to sell things at the last minute; and the twinkly one used for building tention and/or suspence.
Film clips
You can never have too many gratuitous shots of London, the Thames, Canary Wharf, interesting-looking road junctions (in London), the rooves of black cabs/double-decker buses/tube trains/Sir Alan's limo all being driven around London. Shots of the candidates using various forms of the capital's public transport systems are also a good choice. These may look slightly frivilous, but there are a vital element of the show's success. Pilot episodes of the show that used footage of Amstrad's real HQ and its surroundings (an industrial estate in Essex) crashed and burned.
A task
The core of each show, the candidates will need a task that doesn't start until just before midday, but that requires them to be woken up and driven around London at half-past-four in the morning (see above). Ideally, the task should look like a barrel-load of monkeys could do it, but proves to be a Herculean task when presented to the would-be Apprenti. Nick and Margaret must point this out at every available opportunity. Sir Alan will definately mention it in the boardroom.
Secretary
Sir Alan's secretary must be blonde, have no duties other than to answer a phone connected to only one room, and must never show her face. Although she should probably be stunning.
